November 18th, 2011 Comments
Check me out – I’m the poster girl for the play ‘Clytemnestra’ at Sherman Cymru in Cardiff!
We did a photoshoot where I posed with butcher’s knives and hugged meat carcasses (not the one in the picture). Was a fun (if slightly meat-smelling) day.
November 15th, 2011 Comments
Well… I did it! It actually went really well!
The odd bit I can’t quite remember is the key moment, going from not singing in public, to suddenly – ‘look I’m busking, you can all hear me! Look at me!
What helped get over my fear was making a connection between the way I am before a theatre performance – excited, happy to be doing it, in my element – and to this impromptu street singing. I realised I can simply trust myself to turn up and do a job.
Once I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and sang the first note, it became a real pleasure to sing for the next hour and a half. It was wonderful! I had enormous help from my family who were stopping people to talk about the play and hand out cards, plus some lovely audience members.
I was singing outside a bookshop, near a bus stop, a zebra crossing, and on the corner of a shopping arcade. There were people everywhere, some standing across the street watching and listening, some closer, people in the bus queue, people in cafes nearby.
The people of Penarth were incredibly generous and I want to thank you all for being so kind and donating money, and also for wishing me well. Thank you so very much. We raised quite a bit and that will really help the project.
Thanks also to Penarth Natural Health Services for their generous donation. They have a little tiger sanctuary inside there (and a great chiropractor).
The whole experience has left me feeling proud of myself. It has given me greater confidence in my voice – I realise I can get an audience even over the noise of traffic, and without any indoor acoustics to help me. Demons successfully vanquished.
November 11th, 2011 Comments
Observant readers of this article will notice that tomorrow I will be busking around and about Penarth Town Centre, to help fundraise for my show and to thank funders for giving generously.
Cue internal terror. I’ve never busked before and I am mildly petrified. Of course it’s my fault, I set myself up for the gig, I put the date in the paper, so what’s going on?
When I imagine myself busking I picture the positivity I can summon whilst performing or doing creative work. Sometimes I have a great sense of love for the world, especially whilst singing – it seems to connect people from the heart. I imagine it as a magical experience, where I turn up and don’t care what other people think, where I’m just happy.
Then the reality arrives, and suddenly I’m terrified of how other people will judge me. I imagine people’s faces walking past with sneers or looks of incomprehension. I imagine teenagers giggling and pointing. I imagine not sounding good enough, of the whole thing just being a bit… odd.
There’s a big difference in my mind between performing in a space where you have been invited, where you are allowed or even expected to sing, and pushing yourself forwards when nobody has asked you to. It implies some kind of confidence bordering on arrogance, which I’m not comfortable with. Of course performers need that internal push or they’ll never get anywhere. I’ve got push. But I also have resistance – all the doubts and fears.
The reason I’m sharing this is so I can abandon those fears and doubts. Tomorrow I will be positive, I will do it for myself – to say “I turned up, I did it”. I have a list of personal challenges that I wrote maybe a year and a half ago. The challenge at the top of the list is to go busking. So at the end of tomorrow hopefully I will have done something I’m afraid of, that I really want to do, that represents climbing a personal mountain, and that I hope will help my show.
If you’re in Penarth tomorrow – I’d love to see you, so come and be my friendly audience. And if you’re not, then just imagine me triumphantly slaying my busking demons (and then running home at the end to hide in bed after a traumatic day of being laughed at whilst completely alone and vulnerable, and then watching the X Factor where I’m sure they have it much, much worse).
I’ll report back next week.
November 4th, 2011 Comments
Thanks to everyone who’s donated so far! I am still bowled over that anyone at all will reach out and click through all those online buttons to help me. THANK YOU.
Also thank you to those who have given me donations in person. I’m really grateful – not quite sure how to put it into words. Thank you!
I’ve also been touched by the kind words I’ve heard about the video and the work I’m doing. It really does help. I think having cheerleaders as a part of your creative work is so important. I have to remind myself sometimes when those nearest to me are having a difficult time that sometimes they just need to hear “You can do it!”
In that spirit, if there’s something you’re working on and finding hard “You can do it!”
And if there’s something you have completed – bravo! Brava! We need more of you!
There’s still more fundraising to do of course, and if you feel like you can help financially, then, words will fail me again, but thank you. And if you just want to stand and cheer me on, then – you have no idea how much it helps so thank you too.
Photos by Puffalicious. Yes it was cold, but sooooo good. I love jumping in rivers.