Nomination!

January 23rd, 2013 Comments 1

I’ve been nominated for an award – “Best Female Performance in English” – for WiLD!

The Shortlist

In my category are the very fine and talented Helen Griffin, Sharon Morgan, Lisa Palfrey, and Mairi Phillips.  And me!

When I first found out I couldn’t sleep because I was smiling too much.

cat and bird

Happy New Year everyone!

A Letter

July 27th, 2012 Comments 2

Dear Muse,

Please visit.  The door’s open, the kettle’s on and there’s a packet of your favourite biscuits in a tin on the table (the ones with the extra chocolate).

Yours in humble gratitude,

Teifi

NEW Website

August 24th, 2011 Comments 0

Especially for WiLD.

www.teifiemerald.net

Not 100% finished yet, all the unfinished bits will get ironed out over time.  If you’re using the website, thanks for your patience with that!  There will be updates over the next few weeks of various exciting things…

Word of the Moment

November 12th, 2010 Comments 0

I just found a note with two words written on it (I’m clearing my desk).  It took me a few moments to register that I have recorded some words-of-the-moment for me to re-discover.

Ersatz
Quandary

so yes…

I am imagining that Ersatz has something to do with diamonds and dancing, and Quandary, is just, ponderous.

Ah…

Ponderous

To act, or not to act…

May 4th, 2010 Comments 0

I’m trying to have a career as an actor, but already, just beginning this unstable journey, I feel really unsatisfied with the choices that lie ahead of me.

I just don’t like what people choose to express in the arts and media, and the things that actors and ‘actresses’ are asked to portray.  On the whole they don’t appeal to me, and in many cases I couldn’t  say with complete integrity, “I stand for this!”

The roles that we have to fill are either boring, mundane, from an old-world view, obsessed with sex, obsessed with image, from a male perspective only, fuelled by male fantasies and/or nightmares, violent, victims, only fulfill superficial egotistical desires, only express hopelessness and desperation, are funny but also just titillating, are clichéd and tired, are ‘post-modern ironic’, are sexist despite women liking this, and mostly they are all completely disempowered.

The roles I have enjoyed playing the most have not been real, they have all been fantastical – Death, Cassandra, Blodeuwedd, Death again, The Witch, Hecate, an angel/devil in disguise.  It all comes from a place inside me that is untouched by despair, that is clear, but also knowing and dark, vibrant and possibly insane, but only as insane as a three year old, with desires only as far away as the sweet shop, until she gets distracted by a puddle to splash in.  And just completely joyous and fine.

Basically, the world seems to be fucked up with everyone broken and ruined and women largely inconsequential if most of our human cultural legacy is to be believed.  But that is just not how I feel.  And so the prospect of working with people who feel like this, and have no inner direction, or have no hope, is completely uninspiring and I feel somewhat stuck.

“Oh, go out and make it yourself then”.  Fine, I say, but I can’t do it all alone, and who is going to help me?  Who will stand with me as something unwritten, as uncharted territory?  A drop of fresh water in a river that has forgotten itself.

I also don’t want to be a rebelling force ‘unhappy with the status quo, decided to make it all alone’, because I mostly don’t like this unhappiness that everything’s mired in, and this seemingly obvious need to rebel, as if that were the only way of being different. 

Mostly I just want to let my own unique voice out, and find a platform that will allow me to be heard, and seen, and felt, in luminous colour.  I have a me to let out and be felt in the world and I know that this me is valuable and wonderful.

I need to go back to making up plays in my living room with my best friend, and putting them on in the afternoon for our parents.  Everyone is obsessed with making something ’good’, that we make a lot less wholeheartedly.  And everyone is consumed with needing to survive that it’s hard to break away and remember to just play in a place where failure doesn’t exist.

Oh gosh, I don’t know what to do.

Ashridge in the snow

December 15th, 2009 Comments 1

Going to the Ashridge estate on the first proper day of snow was almost the most beautiful day of my life.  The words Winter Wonderland could be used in a real un-trite way.  I was in complete heaven.

First we arrived to see deer running off to hide.  You can just see them through the trees:

A snowy scene, with overhanging evergreen branches, and a pair of deer hiding in the trees. Everything else is white.

these photos show the incredible patterns of the branches that the snow makes visible:

branch ballet,

graceful branches covered in snow

angular branch patterns covered in snow

a wizard tree,

A tree, with arms pointing to the right, covered in snow,

a scene where I am sure magical creatures live,

a beautiful forest scene in the snow

this is a beech forest so there were occasional patterns of red leaves against white,

red beech leaves against a snowy forest

thick patterns over the brambles,

brambles covered in thick snow making criss cross snow patterns

here I am!

A girl in a winter coat and pink-red scarff and hat stood next to a curving beech tree with snow strips down it's trunk

beech trees with vertical stripes of snow down their trunks

Sunset train to London

December 11th, 2009 Comments 0

Ah, sky through a train window, fast becoming my favourite thing to photograph:

Sunset as seen through a train window, the shafts of light falling through the clouds, and breaking above them, blues, greys, and golden yellows.

My mother doesn’t like these kinds of pictures because they look so fake and unreal, but this really did happen!  I saw it with mine digital eyes!  This is also more evidence for my theory that it was the sky that made early peoples invent god stories – “there it is, the abstract hand of God, making light patterns on the Giant Canvas Above”.

Here are the trees I saw:

blurry trees silhouetted by a sunset, as seen through a train window

All blurry and spidery and golden.

Late Halloween no.1

November 22nd, 2009 Comments 0

I love Halloween (even though it has been irritatingly commercialized, and I don’t like the orange plastic crap in the shops, trick and treating is a bit lame, and the American way of dressing up in unscary outfits that seems to be bleeding into Britain now is clearly wholly rubbish).

I like Halloween because it feels a bit magical, and it makes me think of hanging upside down from trees at midnight, and making strange theatre with friends.

Anyway, I didn’t do anything on Halloween this year, but I caught up.

A wire rack of orange muffins in white paper cases, some eaten.

I made carrot, apple, celery and parsley juice, with apples from the garden, and found a recipe to turn the leftover fibre into muffins.  And the muffins looked lovely!  (They tasted nice too – lots of crystallised ginger).  Then Cosmo turned it into a Halloween moment, like a well trained familiar.

A wire rack of small orange coloured muffins, with a black cat walking past, seen from above.

No, Cosmo isn’t quite clever enough to be a familiar, she has only just learned how to use the catflap.  Thank GOD.

Autumn Garden

November 21st, 2009 Comments 0

Right now as I write this I have ‘stereo cats’, one sleeping on either side of me.  It’s my first time.  I recommend it.

Anyway.  The garden may not look like so much, but to me it is autumnal opulence in all its glory – dying, decaying, yet still lush.

An autumn garden, with bare trees, yellow, orange, brown and green leaves.

Path pattern

November 11th, 2009 Comments 0

I had a bags of leaves to play with and here is how it unfolded… (many pictures to follow)…

they come to life,

and more,

some are so amazing they get their own portrait,

a line went walking,

pink leaves wiggling awaythis is some kind of mulberry-lotus,

spiralling ginko leaves,

pink leaf jewels,

beautiful pink leaves lying on asphalt, some agingafter I finished I shaped the rotting brown leaves around it.  This made me very happy.

many multicoloured leaves placed in a pattern on asphaltWhile I was sweeping, three men came down the path and they stopped to talk.  Two of them asked what I was doing and made sure I would take a picture, and the other one leaned on a railing, the leaves literally at his feet, just waiting.  Then suddenly he looked down and realised why his friends had stopped to chat, he laughed and became quite embarrassed as he admitted he hadn’t noticed it.  Funny.

And here it is:

a finished pattern of leaves of many colours and kinds, on an asphalt path. The pattern is full of spiral and curves and fan shapes.

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